Good old uncle Jin
by J-Beany
Summary: Shikamaru's uncle comes to stay, and manages to cause mayhem while he does.


Many people have not heard of Shikamaru's great uncle Jin.

Including Shikamaru until about 40 seconds ago.

"So I have an uncle...called Jin?" He asked lazily scratching the back of his head, he didn't really care that much, he just wanted to confirm the fact.

"Great uncle" His father added in discomfort.

Shikamaru frowned at his father's pained expression but choose to ignore it, there was a comfy bed at his apartment beckoning him home by now.

"Well... I'm off" He added but his father grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to sit back on the chair.

"You know exactly, why I told you this right?"

Shikamaru groaned, of course he did, and that's why he didn't bother adding in any more questions.

Who wants a stupid old uncle at your apartment anyway?

Especially one banned from the Nara clan.

X-x-x-x-x-x-

Shikamaru moved towards the gate the next morning wallowing in his despair.

He took up his usual seat by the gate and mulled over exactly what he was letting himself in for.

An old man.

Who had apparently managed to piss off his relatively chilled clan members.

He was in some kind of hell.

No-one in his clan had ever _requested_ him to wait at the gate for them when they came.

Only him.

This man brought troublesome to a new level.

He sighed drawing the attention of both Izumo and Kotetsu.

They raised an eyebrow at his unexpected appearance in the morning.

"Didn't know Temari was coming early this year?" Izumo teased.

Shikamaru just ignored them and their gawky laughter.

He could see the logic in it though.

The only other person who he waited for at the gates was actually Temari.

He sighed

Troublesome.

A thought path he couldn't be bothered to go down this moment.

Or ever for that matter.

A figure approached in the distance and Shikamaru drew an image in his head what this uncle of his might be like:

Old, frail, disregarding to young people and somewhat annoying, but yet misunderstood and lonely perhaps

But he was wrong; SO wrong.

Because when Shikamaru first caught sight of his uncle, he knew he was crazy.

Because his uncle was wearing a single deer skin cloak with the deer head draped slightly around his own face and he was tattooed in his old clan symbols, with a "Keep on truckin" Tattoo for good measure.

And he had Real  Deer HornsAttached to his head.

"BOY" He bellowed sweeping down his cloak.

Shikamaru looked around, clearly he was talking to him

"Get me my stick"

"Your what?"

"My stick damn you! Stick!"

"Oh" Shikamaru said slightly perplexed

A stick?

"You mean a wood one right..."

"..."

"Well yes, unless you make me one out of pixie dust; Now move boy!"

Abandoning his need of a stick the old man stormed in front of Shikamaru walloping into his shoulder into the process.

"Keep up" He Hissed.

Shikamaru shot a pleading look back to both Izumo and Kotetsu, but they both shook their heads in disbelief.

Looks like he was on his own then..

Stupid old man.

Troublesome was not nearly enough.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"WHY DOES YOUR ROOM SMELL LIKE DIRT?"

Shikamaru sighed for the 10th time since the Man (Or the evil being disguised as man) had entered his Apartment.

"I cleaned it.."

"Not well enough"

"Well, I could-"

"Never mind this room is deemable for my sleep"

"Your what?"

But as soon as the words escaped his mouth as had the old man's desire to remain conscious.

"Damn man" Shikamaru muttered grabbing a pillow and heading off into the living room trying to steal back the precious moments of sleep that the demon took away from him this morning.

Xx xx

He awoke to find all of his belongings scattered around the floor.

And burning.

"What is going on?" He almost screamed.

"I am eliminating your desire for material objects"

Shikamaru gaped watching slowly as his old Genin jacket burst spontaneously into flames.

"You may choose one thing to save"

Panicking( and actually listening to the old man for once) He ran into his room and slowly pulled out a now slightly charred box from under his bed.

When he came back into the living room his objects had mysteriously reappeared and there was no fire in sight.

"What the-"

"Genjustu, Optical illusion, now I'm curious what's in the box?"

Without hesitating a moment longer Shikamaru stormed out of the apartment, angrier than he has ever been in his life.

Banned from the clan? The man should have been Exiled infinitely to Mars!

He raged on until he was at the ramen store clutching the box in his hands.

"What will it be?" Ichiraku asked eying the box suspiciously

"How about my life back?" Shikamaru grumbled into the table.

And of course Ichiraku gave him his usual ramen order.

With extra eggs.

Xxxxxxxxx

It was midnight when Shikamaru dared to venture back.

It was_ his _apartment after all.

Regardless of the man harbouring in it.

He sneaked through the window and almost made it towards the kitchen before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Sit boy"

Shikamaru scowled

"Now why should I-"

"Sit!"

The man looked deeply into his eyes with an anger he recognised immediately from his father.

Stupid genetics.

Making him feel guilt.

He grabbed a spare chair and sat down cautiously, checking if the chair was not merely another trick embedded in the house .

"The box" The man stated lighting a single cigarette.

Shikamaru winced as the smell of smoke overtook him, it took a lot of willpower to quit even if he only tried it for a small time. Stupid addictive little habit.

Noting Shikamaru's discomfort the man "gladly" offered one to him, laughing when he was downright declined.

"Why are you doing this?" Shikamaru said trying to make a level ground.

The man eyed him quizzically before stating simply again.

"The box"

Shikamaru ran a hand down his face before finally deciding simply that enough was enough, and headed out towards the door.

"..You're too lazy to keep a box" The man continued stopping Shikamaru in his tracks.

"So?" Shikamaru said simply.

"You are no genius" The man babbled "I mean, you fell easily into my Genjustu, your house is very plain and bland and as are you for that matter..."

"Does this story have a point..?"

The man sighed, "What I mean is if I wanted to I could of seen into the box anyway, but as it seems to be one of your most desired objects, I have to wait until you show me"

"One?" Shikamaru gaped wondering when this all would end.

Almost reading his thoughts( And he wouldn't be surprised if he did) The man smiled mysteriously and said " Show me once and I will refrain from bothering you for the rest of the visit"

Shikamaru sighed and slowly peeled off the lid.

The man smiled and headed off to bed.

Uncrossing his fingers in the process.

Oh that evil little man.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x—x-x-x-x-x

Shikamaru awoke quickly jumping off the sofa into a battle pose.

Nope.

Nothing.

He yawned and lazily dropped his kunai (no that is not a youthanism)

slowly padding like a panda bear towards the kitchen.

"Morning!" His uncle bellowed patting his nephew heartily on the back.

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed

He sounded happy... too happy.

"Pancakes are ready" He added and Shikamaru immediately smelt a rat.

"What's going on?" He sniffed deliberately trying smell some kind of poison.(if such a thing were possible only if he was Kiba)

But before his uncle could answer, there was a knock at the door.

Thinking no less of it, Shikamaru walked towards the door only to be met with Shizune.

"She's early" She stated catching the young chuunin's eye before heading out the door saying nothing more.

Without hesitation Shikamaru threw on a pair of trousers and headed out the door.

Because he knew so well. Who "She" was.

And "She" did not like to be kept waiting.

Climbing the stairs to the familiar Diplomats building, He came across a realisation in his head.

Temari was here.

And he was her guide.

If he had to work for the remainder of his uncle's visit.

Perfect.

His problems solved.

As he reached the top floor and approached her door he heard chuckles of laughter inside.

One of hers, the other of a man's.

He immediately felt the bottom of his stomach drop out completely and was almost resigned into opening the door.

…..

What if she was-

….

But his thoughts were interrupted as the door was suddenly thrust open from the other side.

"Shikamaru" She started surprised as he was "I was just about to look for you"

She said as she slowly made her way out the door causing him to back up.

"You uncle tells the funniest stories.."

And that's when he saw him.

Harbouring inside _her_ house.

Like the little rat he was.

Xxxxxxx

"Temari" Shikamaru said grabbing her by the shoulders "May I...Talk to you?"

She glanced towards his uncle but he merely nodded in approval.

"Go, I can assure you it is to no interest of me" He added assertively with a wicked gleam in his eye.

Shikamaru managed to drag her off into the nearest corridor before he formed a seal with his hands causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Over cautious much?"

"A simple shadow cloak" He commented ignoring her sarcasm "Effective"

"So what?" She questioned "Is your uncle a kind of demon monster you _have_ to hide me away from?"

Instead of answering with the obvious (Yes, actually) He continued on another subject of interest.

"How long are you here for?...you're quite early.." He trailed off trying to limit his share in the conversation.

"Two days" She answered quite sharply causing him to wince slightly.

"Can you extend it by.. A few days...?"

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Why?"

He groaned, thinking of a way to say this without sounding crazy.

With limited success.

"Just because" He grunted and he saw her eyebrows crease more into what he deemed now to be her pissed off expression.

"Give me one good reason why?"

"Because I need you alright?" He said scratching the back of his head hoping it didn't sound like an awkward teenage plea for a girlfriend .

Surprisingly she dropped the subject and burst through the little shadow cloak in her wake.

"Fine" She stated defiantly "But you owe me lunch this week"

He nodded in agreement, happy that his lunches would not have to be filled instead with the evil man.

"Can I come too Temari-chan?"

Speak of the devil.

She laughed not deeming a reply but flicking her hand as if to say "we are continuing this later"

"Bring your little stories too" She added.

Shikamaru turned to the man, slightly annoyed.

"Don't think you can have her all to yourself" He smiled " Besides I need a chance to see my nephew during this week, you know since I assume you are guiding her all week?"

Shikamaru nodded

"Good, these parts are looking a little bit old to me anyway, don't be surprised if you see me tagging along some days"

Enraged Shikamaru went to place where he should of gone on the beginning.

His father's.

To sort out this whole mess.

Xxx

Storming into his old house, wasn't necessarily the best way to enter, but he managed to gain some momentum, before he let hell loose on his father.

"I can't believe you!.. I-"

"Sit!"

Shikamaru sat angrily wondering whether these stupid guilt trips actually had a point to it.

"By now I assume that you are...well _acquainted _with your uncle?

Shikamaru grunts half heartily as a reply

"Well as you can see he is..."

"Annoying, evil, frustrating, an old-"

Shikaku raises a hand "I get the point"

"The issue is as my future successor, I feel that perhaps you might ought to *ahem* take the up challenge if you understand my drift"

Wide eyed Shikamaru stared in astonishment.

"You can't leave me with that kind of lame-"

"There is no arguing over this Shikamaru" Shikaku said gazing out of the far left window sighing "I haven't fought with you this much over the years, but this is where I draw the line."

Shikamaru went to open his mouth when his father stopped him

"How can you ever expect to raise a child, even have a wife, if you cannot keep care of a single old man?"

Embarrassed Shikamaru avoided his father's gaze

Again he concluded.

He hated genetics.

Making him feel guilt.

xxx

When Shikamaru headed back to his apartment his uncle was cooking lunch and surprisingly enough Temari was there.

"I wondered where you ran off to boy" His uncle commented while checking on the rice

This earned a scoff from Temari, who had apparently made herself comfortable on the couch by opting to sprawl across it like some kind of cat.

Eager to obtain some kind of control in the situation Shikamaru attempted to shoo her off.

"You're ruining the cushions" He commented.

Ignoring him(and stretching her legs out more), Temari started up a conversation with his uncle.

"How long have you known Shikamaru again?"

Shikamaru saw a wicked gleam in her eye that suggested there was more to this question than it seemed.

"Since he was a baby" His uncle drawled trying to figure out how to stop the timer which was now beeping consistently.

Shikamaru frowned, (such lies) he turned to Temari to see if she was taking in any of this.

The corners of her mouth upturned.

Yep, She was lapping this up.

Like a cat that got the milk.

"Tell me more stories, the ones you missed out before" She purred "Like the time when he was twelve and he had that little incident in the pool house"

Shikamaru's face reddened, How had that old man known anything about that.

Heck his own father didn't know about that day...

"Well-" The old man started but Shikamaru effectively cut him off with a hand over his mouth.

"Don't" Shikamaru pleaded.

The man smiled but did not continue with the story instead went about dishing up lunch, while Temari threw her head onto the pillows cackling like a witch until Shikamaru realised that indeed, he could go another shade of red.

"I've never seen you blush so much" She smiled as the food was placed in front her

He narrowed his eyes at her, wondering how she became this troublesome.

After about five minutes of silence (and surprisingly good food) his uncle began to pace the room, eagerly awaiting recognition.

"Its good" Temari commented gesturing her fork.

Shikamaru remained silent.

So she nudged him hard in the chest causing his to cough up the remainder of his rice.

"Yeah" He grumbled giving Temari the stink eye "Good"

His uncle deemed this satisfactory.

"I'm going to sleep for a while" He drawled to no-one in particular and headed out towards Shikamaru's room quietly.

After a while Shikamaru contemplated how weird it felt to be alone with just Temari.

Not that he hadn't before, it was just weird in his house.

He felt weird altogether actually.

"I haven't been in your place before" She commented following his train of thought.

"Mmm" Was all she got from him, as he tried to delay the conversation by picking at the stray bits of rice remaining on his plate.

Idly she maneuvered the fork around her plate trying to again think of a topic of interest.

"So..." She said quite loudly and Shikamaru looked up quite startled and confused, his head spinning.

"Why did you want me to stay a few more days again?"

He looked at her quite seriously and found she was looking at him quite curiously.

"Just... Because" He grumbled trying again to be absorbed in his rice.

"Because what?" She added still gazing curiously while moving a close enough distance to make him feel uncomfortable.

"Didn't we do this already?" Shikamaru commented trying to ignore how close her face was to his.

"No, I don't think we did" She smiled dropping her own fork into his lap

"Can we establish please" She said leaning over his side "What exactly you need me for?" She added in suggestively picking up her fork slowly.

-ACK-

Shikamaru coughed in her face, being unable to hold his breath for any longer.

And she slowly in shock withdrew away from him, her eyes becoming suspicious.

"I'm-"

"You're gonna pay!" She hissed storming out the living room and slamming the door as she left.

"...What on earth was that noise?" His uncle said as he trotted out of Shikamaru's room sleepily.

Shikamaru just sat there unable to answer his uncle

His uncle viewed the situation, before chortling heartily.

"That rice I gave you...Nice wasn't it?"

Shikamaru nodded gazing still towards the door.

"Had my own special ingredient..."

Shikamaru snapped his head around to the old man

"What?" He growled through hissed teeth.

His uncle's smile just grew wider

"Lust" He laughed.

And Shikamaru knew exactly why he felt weird after he ate it.

It was drugged, with Nara medicine.

xxxxxxxxx

"I'm going to kill you!" Shikamaru shouted at the old man

"Actually I think Temari got there first, not that I'm surprised a kunoichi of her level could easily taste the medicine..."

"She thinks I put it in there?" Shikamaru exclaimed looking closely at his uncle's expression.

The man laughed

"Of course, How could I; a banned clan member, get hold of such things?"

Shikamaru threw his head into his hands in defeat.

"What exactly did you put in there anyway?"

"Well" His uncle said quite proudly "Just a simple remedy of Jasmine and-"

"You didn't..."

"Oh yes, I think you know the rest"

Shikamaru groaned into a cushion.

"Why..."

"Does it taste like you remember it?"

Shikamaru growled again further into the pillow for being so stupid.

"How long does this remedy last?" he mumbled looking up evilly at the man.

He cackled "You know as well as I do that it gets worse over time, it will consume you till you cannot control yourself." He snorted off into uncontrollable laughter.

"It's really not funny" Shikamaru hissed at him.

"But it is!" His uncle smiled "Temari needn't know the end of that story now..."

"I was Twelve!, How do you even know that..."

"It was a remedy that you stole from the Nara family compound, one of my own may I add, even as a abandoned clan member I still keep an eye on stock.

"But how did you know about the pool?"

"Lucky guess?" He vaguely said as he made his way over to sit next to his nephew " The medicine consumes you until you go back to your primal instincts."

Shikamaru collapsed next to him but his uncle continued unaware " Of course this time the dosage wasn't this severe, I mean this medicine only really works on the most complex of diseases to.."

"Why did you?" Shikamaru stared at his uncle.

"To teach you a lesson" His uncle said retreating off the sofa

"And what would that be?" His nephew cursed

"That you will never win, and..." His uncle continued out the door "That there is only room for one genius in town, and I can assure you; you are not it!"

Shikamaru hissed again but the medicine overtook him just as he remembered,

It started with a deep sleep...

The old man found Temari about a few blocks away collapsed by the side of the pavement.

He smiled "Didn't get far did you?" He added dragging her sleeping body back towards the apartment, Locking the door in the process...

x xxx

When Shikamaru awoke he smelt exactly what he expected.

Food.

He needed food.

Temari apparently had the same idea and was apparently trying to forge everything in kitchen into a giant clump of food.

The cooker was on, the fryer was frying bacon and she was in the task of beating about a dozen eggs.

"This is how it starts" He whispers to himself watching Temari take time out of the task to violently bite the top off a box of crackers consuming them by the dozen.

She catches his eye and with her free hand beckons him over.

Hungry, and at the point of insanity he joins her instead divulging to open a box of jelly babies ripping the contents into his mouth.

"I hate sweet things" he comments in between bites

She smiles

"I hate plain things" She comments violently tearing pieces of crackers to pieces and stuffing them down her throat.

In about an hour or two they consume all the food in the house.

And are on the hunt.

Shikamaru dives under the couch, while she takes the bedroom.

They manage to find about five indescribable pieces of food and about four pieces of stray candy.

"Give me the damn candy!"

"Never!"

"I can't take it" She says clutching her stomach and leaning her head on his shoulder.

Surprised by this act of weakness from her, he hesitantly wraps an arm around her shoulder and begins comforting her.

"It's going to be over soon" He says trying to slowly stroke her hair in a way that is not patronising.

With limited success.

"I'm not a baby!" She says violently pulling herself away from him and pushing him away in the process

"I am Temari of the sand, I can crush entire villages with my fan, I can kill thousands of men in my wake, I don't need your pity, Hell I don't need you!" She storms out of the living room and shuts herself in his room angrily but stupidly locking the door behind her

"Temari!" Shikamaru bellows panicking at the door knob, "You need to get out...NOW"

The door is still unmoving

"Please" He begs wondering if he ever has begged for anything in his life before, "The next stage is worse, I need you to come out now!"

The door clicks and she peeks her eye out

"Next stage?" She questions

He nods and she moves out slowly

He goes onto explain, in order to beckon her out more quickly "Water, you need a lot of water, you can't do that in there"

She holds her throat hesitantly before moving towards him.

"How do you know so much?" She asks and briefly gazes up at him

Now or never

"When I was twelve, I accidentally took some Nara clan medicine...and ..well" He moved his hands for emphasis and she seemed to get the point..

Some of it.

"So you were at the pool for the water?" She questioned cocking her head to the side.

He blushed.. "Something like that"

She began to question more when suddenly she ran immediately towards the kitchen and stuck her head under the tap. Shikamaru sighed before heading off towards the bathroom. Looks like he gets the bathroom water...

Another hour or two passes and the both of them collapse on the sofa, soaking wet and hardly able to forge words because of their strained jaws.

"Way...out?" Shikamaru just about manages but she shakes her head tapping the windows which in effect casts a bolt of electricity down her arm.

"Seal" She says breathing hard and decides to lean her head on his shoulder again.

Only this time when he strokes her hair she doesn't pull away, Instead she begins stroking his arm.

He begins stroking her shoulder, and her hands roam down his back. He goes to reach up towards her thigh when he stops himself and pulls away breathing hard.

"I can't do this" He says and reluctantly moves away to the edge of the sofa.

She follows him and leans over his stomach.

"What is it?" She says innocently sliding onto him.

He grimaces realising in order to move her that he actually has to touch her.

He takes her slowly by the shoulders and looks directly into her eyes.

"Lust" He says trying to keep a steady distance between them.

She blinks

"Excuse me?" She says trying to lean herself onto him only to be pushed back up.

"Lust" He says again and she can see idly in the corner of her eye that he is slowly stroking his thumbs together in frustration. In desire.

"When I was twelve..."

Temari chuckles and he winces feeling her laugh in his abdomen.

"So that's why you were at the pool huh?" She smirks and he turns away embarrassed.

"I didn't know..."

"You were twelve" She says reassuringly before adding with a smirk

"You pervert"

Temari at this point couldn't hold it in and bellowed into a strain of uncontrollable laughter that lasted for about 5 whole minutes.

"Are you done laughing?"He asked angrily pushing her upright and gripping her shoulders tightly raising his voice a little in the process "Because-"

She stopped laughing at reclaimed her position on his stomach, leaning her head towards his.

"That's not how you treat an older woman you know?" She whispered to him

He sighed his body moulding into hers before pointing out the obvious.

"We can't do this" He said trying to ignore every thought running through his head, Every desire that he ever felt towards her.

"Why not?" She said unzipping his chunnin vest and releasing the ties in his hair.

She placed her lips on his neck before adding

"After all, we have to complete this stage don't we?"

Needless to say he did not argue with this logic

And by the morning she assured him

Of its completion.

xxxxx

His uncle never did come back after that day.

And it took about five days to get a release on that seal of his.

Not that they complained of course.

Except for the lack of food, the lack of water and the lack of clothing, they were quite satisfied.

So much in fact that they even sometimes questioned his existence.

"Was he ever real?" She asked again one day in the mid winter when they were once again on the sofa contemplating their relationship.

He scratched the back of his head uneasily.

The memories of uncle has scarred him for life.

Indeed, he had to be real.

He could never imagine such a horrible being.

Could he?

He asked Shizune and Kotetsu _and_ Izumo.

But none of them remembered an uncle.

Even though they all saw him.

Sometimes even Temari forgot.

And that scared him.

The next day, he went over to his father's house to argue this very point.

The winter had covered the house in a thick blanket of snow, and the pathway was so filled with snow that he knew immediately that his mother and father could not clear it by themselves.

He felt a sudden guilt of abandoning them of the past coming months.

Having a girlfriend preoccupied him.

He hated to think that after he proposed to her that he would abandon them completely.

Picking up a shovel from the back shed, he began to forcefully shift multiple piles of snow onto one another until a rather icy but clear pathway was seen.

"I've never seen you work so hard"

Shikamaru turned to find his mother standing behind him looking proudly at her son, as if he was presenting his best work to her.

He smiled and she led him in, warning him that his father was out on a mission until Tuesday.

She gave him a warm mug of hot chocolate, before settling down and asking on the design of his visit.

"Do you remember an uncle Jin?" He asked watching the expression on his mother's face curiously.

Her expression remained unchanged, but she sat in deep thought for a while.

"No..."She said trailing off into the living room and Shikamaru sighed into his drink

"I guess maybe he wasn't rea-"

His eyes widened as she entered again

"I got this strange package the other day though, It's addressed for you and it has the Nara clan's symbols.. But its really..."

"Charred?"

She nodded " Such a strange thing to send"

Shikamaru sat there in awe, it couldn't possibly be...Well it's not like he needed it now but still...

"Aren't you going to open it?" His mother asked

Shikamaru smiled and shook his head.

She frowned at him before taking it off to the loft

"Help me with the ladder, Shikamaru can you?"

He helped it down and was about to retreat back to the kitchen when she let out an excited shout.

"I knew it!" She exclaimed and climbed back down clutching in her hands again, the small box.

It was Shikamaru's time now to frown

"Why did you bring back the same box again?"

But she bought his attention to the label and he saw that it was clearly addressed to his father.

She took it slowly into the kitchen and placed it firmly onto the table.

"Aren't you going to open it?" Shikamaru asked

But his mother just laughed and shook her head.

"The day after your father got this …he proposed to me"

Shikamaru's eyes widened.

And then an understanding came to him all at once.

xxx xxx

It is a mystery to all people how the Nara clan, the laziest clan of all manage to get their women.

Perhaps it is their Charm.

Or maybe perhaps their wit.

There is a legend that once a father thought his son was ready,

He would call to the ancestors

And they would send a messenger.

To act in their will.

And to cast judgment

To find the thing most precious to them.

Then again that's just a legend.

Kind of like Pandora's box.

But that's not real is it?

-x-

**Reviews are awesome, unless you're on Nara medicine. In which case, You are awesome.**


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